My one and only life: I luv CL

I really think that Craigslist pays someone to write erratic and grammatically incorrect ads to attract people like me to the site even when we don't need anything.

Looking for a bike, I found this ad (which, in the original, was repeated three times, as a bonus for people who habitually scroll to the bottom of every page), which I can only imagine was written by someone either using a broken keyboard or having intermittent seizures.

"
26 in. bicycle for sale, Just purchased last year, used 3/4 times and had to stop(health). It has at least 7 speeds and is perfectly timed ,,,with the approaching milder weather.
The Bike comes with owners manual, as well as the bicycle lock I purchased separately for 17$, which is included in the price,, First come, first served

(Also. How does it have "at least 7 speeds"? Does it sometimes have more? Is this a bike that isn't yet full grown, and is expected to develop more speeds? Or do the gears for the upper speeds simply not work (ahem... the reason I'm looking for a new bike)?
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Another great one:

"
Two nice used toilets in very good condition no chips or stains $20 for both call >show contact info and pick up both look great

I hope this is the first and last time the phrase "nice used toilets" is ever used in my life.
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"
Having a Birthday? Free: A group of maybe 10 or 12 balloons inflated Sunday April 27th for my mother's 90th birthday. She wants to give them away. Still aloft, and will perk up when the temperature is higher or brought indoors. Have a brand new corsage too. Would cost plenty if you had to buy.

Hmmmmm... just because your 90 year old mother wants you to do something crazy doesn't mean you should actually do it. Does she also ask you to post ads for her used paper plates and plastic utensils? ("Will perk up when you wash them")
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This isn't sketchy at all. Were there by any chance "salvaged" from a big, underground room made of concrete? ...that's what I thought.