A Proof

Using theorem method I learned in high school geometry, I will prove here that gummy bears are a non-caloric substance.

First, we must know what Gummy bears are made of.

1. Transparency is an inherent trait of Gummy Bears.
2. Candles are transparent when a light is shined through them.
3. Candles are made of wax.
4. Therefore, Gummy bears are made of wax.

We now know the composition of Gummy bears. Next we will determine the body's reaction to them.

1. The human body is made of muscle, bone, hair, blood, eyeball fluid, gratuitously fat cells, and some vomit.
2. The human body rejects materials it cannot use to add to its composition.
3. The human body rejects wax.
4. Gummy bears are made of wax, and therefore humans cannot incorporate them into their bodies as fat.

I hope this gives many of you the mental freedom you need to consume mass quantities of Gummy bears.

Special thanks to JW for her inspiration for this procrastination post.