So my landlord sent me an email "reminding" me that my lease dictates that only one person can live in the apartment, implying that my boyfriend has been living here for the past two months. Now, if my boyfriend had been living here for the last two months I sure as hell would have been collecting rent from him, whioch I have not, because he does not live here. Yes, he stays here sometimes and I guess my landlord is aware of this fact (which is none of his business) because he sees my boyfriend's car in the driveway. However, assuming that someone has moved in because an extra car is in the driveway every few days is a liiiiiittttle bit of an overreaction- I guess my landlord assumes that he moved in in secret, without any furniture or clothing, and stays at work 4 or 5 nights a week. Because you know, that makes sense. Admittedly, my boyfriend's car has been in my parking lot for a few days now, because he's in freaking California (how much I hate him right now, as I listen to the snow and ice peppering my windows, is another story), which means that my landlord thinks I'm stupid enough to date a unemployed freeloader.
Anyway, after meeting with several advisers including my boyfriend, my cat, and one of the wisest men in my department (the delivery man/stock room point person/fix-it guy/TASCA certified staff individual and resident Jamacian- also a landlord on the side), these are the options I've come up with, in order of increasing appeal to myself:
1-Respond with an email explaining that there is a misunderstanding and offer to remedy the situation.
2-Email my landlord back with a lie saying that a friend has been coming to visit to help me finish my thesis.
3-Concede that my landlord was correct, and that my boyfriend HAD moved in, but that we have since broken up. Tragically, it was a difficult breakup, as I found out that he has an abnormal fondness for professional ice hockey mascots in costume, causing me to go into a rage and steal his car, explaining why it's in the driveway. I've decided to take a leave of absence from graduate school and see if I have what it takes to follow my first and true love; food sculpture (see picture). I can understand why he is concerned, and apologize for misleading him, but assure my landlord that I will sell the car and clear everything else up and ask that he not bring it up again, since it's such a painful topic.