Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Sharks of the heart

Breakups are the sharks of the heart.

They chew you up and spit you out. Their approach is stealthy and all too fast, impossible to prevent until its too late. The destruction they leave in their wake is shocking to the point of awe.

Breakups are shitty.

It's awful when you can't figure out what went wrong. It's also awful when you know exactly what your mistakes were. Nothing helps, but you want friends to try. You feel like everyone knows even though you're also invisible. The weight of the world presses down on you even though you feel like nothing is real.

There are stages, just like any period of grief- although grieving for other reasons generally doesn't make you want to key someone's car. At first you cry all the time and the short periods where you don't you have a stuffy nose. (During this period you are allowed to stay home sick from work but you should still shower.) This period generally overlaps with a time of anger and believing your former partner is the sum of the earth. This may or may not be true, but usually it helps to believe it. During this time you should change the name your ex is listed under uv your phone so that you don't call or text them through drunkenness or an accident motivated by your subconscious. (We recommend adding a "z" to the beginning of your ex s name to move their entry to the bottom of your address book; an alternative is to add the prefix "douschebag" to their name.)

During the initial tears and anger you will probably feel very alone, and as if no one understands. You will believe that what you had with whoever was different from the feelings between every other pair of people. That's because it was. You will believe that you will never find the same experiences again, and you won't (but many times this is actually a good thing.) Secretly you will hope that you and So and So are destined to be together and that things will work out. They might, but probably not. There are billions of people in this world and chances are there is someone else who will fit better with you.

You may experience numbness and depression. You may not want to sleep or eat, or you might only sleep or devour high calorie foods. You might drink, or exercise obsessively, or fight, or otherwise hurt yourself.

But there will come a day when your pain is a little less painful. And maybe it won't be the very most important thing in your life. And then it will be a little bit less. And less. I don't think anyone believes they will get through a truly painful breakup, but people do. You get to the point where all you want to do is
forget, and then you do forget. And then after a very long while sometimes you can remember again and not regret it.

This entry is dedicated to Dory.

posted from Bloggeroid

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