Conversations with my cat

I'm not a crazy cat lady (yet). But my cat does have an attitude that no one can deny.



Me: "Oh geeze. Water spilled everywhere when the Roomba bumped into your bowl."
Rosie: "You know, that robot vacuum makes a mess of my water bowl every time. It's more trouble than it's worth."
Me: "Yeah you're right, we should get rid of it."
Pause
Me: "You know that means you'd have to vacuum, right?"
Rosie: "...oh."
**************************************************

Me: "Dammit why can't I log onto the internet?? I disconnected the DSL filter.."
Rosie: "mmhmm.."
Me: "I turned off the wireless and selected the ethernet connection..."
Rosie: "Mmhmm..."
Me: "And then I rebooted the modem and it STILL won't work."
Pause
Rosie: "Is there any more of that ham you gave me this afternoon?"


**************************************************
(Getting up from finishing lunch)
Me (graciously): "Here. I know you like this chair better."
Rosie (settling in): "I don't know why you were sitting in it in the first place."

**************************************************
Me: "Hey you, wake up. Do you want some chicken?"
Rosie: "Mmm...huh? Chicken? Yes please."
Me: "Can you please do your trick? Gimme paw."
Rosie: "Ugh ok."
Me: "That's not "give me paw", that's just sniffing my hand."
Rosie: "Ok, ok!"
Me: "Good job. Here's the chicken. What a smart kitty."
Rosie: "Damn right." (Eats.)
Rosie: "Hey. Hey, look!"
Me: "Ok, that's your trick but that's not how it works. I have to ask you and then the reward is the chicken."
Rosie: "Just look!"
Me: "The answer is still no."
Rosie: "Dammit!"