Monday, January 12, 2015

My L(Kiwi-Multi)D

My Little Black Kiwi-Multi Dress

I've been invited to be a bridesmaid for the first time ever.  I'm very excited because although I had several close friends get married, they all had extensive families and/or childhood friends who were "first in line" for the jobs of bridesmaid. I always thought I would make a great bridesmaid, not the least because I'm not afraid to tell people that they're being ridiculous (a real go-to quality for today's bride!) but now that I am one, I realize that the job has some unfavorable aspects as well.  For example, the closest I've ever been to having to hold someone's dress while peeing is... not close at all.  However the most commonplace cliche of power and delusion going straight to the bride's head is the dreaded dreadful bridesmaid dress.












The product description reads, "Inspired by a vintage piece from the '50s (we imagine it was worn to a Sadie Hawkins dance), this feminine, flowy dress has an easy silhouette and romantic details like delicate shirring at the bodice. With a low V-neck and dramatic cape sleeves, it's equal parts sweet and sultry—and it's the kind of dress that goes easily from a gallery opening to a gala and everywhere in between."

However I would edit it to say, "Inspired by the curtains hung in my grandmother's bathroom, (we imagine it was worn to a Sadie Hawkins dance by someone whose date didn't show up), this Amish-feminine idea of a dress has an easy silhouette and what those with poor taste might consider romantic details like delicate shirring at the bodice. (Nobody besides J crew employees cares about, less knows the definition of, "shirring".) With a low V-neck that doesn't make up for the bulk of the dress elsewhere and dramatic cape sleeves reminiscent of bat wings, it's equal parts sweet and sultry from the view of a father of a sixteen year old daughter going on her first date—and it's the kind of dress that goes easily from pajama party to a meeting of the members of Goodwill Shoppers Anonymous.

It's just maniacal of J Crew to market this dress. Oh, and the color is listed as "kiwi-multi".  That alone would ward off any normal person.

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