Saturday, October 8, 2011

Mental suicide

Sometimes I feel like my mind is trying to kill me. Only sometimes. Sometimes when the going gets tough, my mind says, "Screw the world! We don't need anybody but Me! We'll show 'em who's boss and how wrong they were when they wrote us off!" But on the other hand, there are occasions when I feel like giving up and my brain just says, and I quote, "Go ahead." Or times when I'm feeling down and alone, maybe even from a little thing like not having someone to go to happy hour with, and my brain decides to pull out and fondle a memory that is particularly bittersweet. "Oh, you're feeling alone, are you? Know what would help? ...remembering the first kiss you had with X. Or the time that you danced with him for hours and thought life couldn't get any better! Oh yeah, good times. Too bad they're not like that now."

Thanks, brain.

What is one to do with such troublesome mental mutiny? I've tried various methods, including the highly endorsed "Eat a bunch of chocolate" routine, the less popular but still passionately followed "Exercise until your toes fall off" (which, when it fails, is often succeeded by a return to the first routine), and finally the "Watch TV until your brain melts" therapy, which is often effective but results in undesirable side effects such as drool and melted brain on your pillows. Basically, the conclusion that I've come to is the most obvious but least believable- muddle through and things will start to get better and work out. If you give up, then even when things start to look up, you won't be able to muster up the courage to get back on the horse. And if you force yourself to pretend that everything is fine, you might not recognize when things really ARE fine and get to enjoy it. Sometimes you have to do a little of each, the best that you can, until one day the sun comes out and you don't even realize that you're enjoying it.


Guster- Dissolve
And it's true he was so young
But you are here
And the moment clouds your brain
You could've even saved him
That means nothing
You could've even been there
That's a lie
How can you blame him for your life?
It's a mental suicide
And it carries you away
Dissolve your fear into one
Dissolve will find a way
Then it's true we aren't immune
But there's a way
And denial clouds your brain
To try and understand him
That means nothing
To try and find the meaning
It's a lie
How can you blame him for your life?
It's a mental suicide
And it carries you away
Dissolve your fear into one
Dissolve will find a way
To right a wrong
To understand
To figure out
It's in His plans
To leave alone
To find a way
To figure out
It's not your fault
And it's the both of you he's ruined
He's torn away all the desire born inside
You could've even saved him
That means nothing
You could've even been there
That's a lie
To try and understand him
That means nothing
To try and find the meaning
It's a lie
To leave alone
To find a way
To figure out
It's not your fault
To see yourself
Your brother wouldn't be proud of you
Proud of you anymore

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