Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Year Resolutions

My resolutions, draft 1

1. Limit my cookie consumption to 2 per day
2. Run a half marathon
3. Quit watching Hoarding: Buried Alive and Storage Wars
4. Wear shoes practical shoes that my physical therapist would approve of
5. Vacuum the apartment once a week
6. Date quality men
7. Get to work by 9am

My resolutions, draft 2

1. Decrease my cookie consumption to 2 after lunch and 2 after dinner
2. Run a 10K
3. Only watch the first 15 minutes of Hoarding: Buried Alive episodes and change channels before I get depressed; stop watching Storage Wars
4. Wear practical, P.T. approved shoes to work
5. Buy replacement filter for vacuum so that I can vacuum once a week
6. Find quality men to date
7. Get to work by 9am three days a week

Resolutions, draft 3
1. Eat fewer than 10 cookies a day
2. "Run" a 10K on an elliptical
3. Allow self to watch 1 hr of Hoarding per day, but stop cancelling social engagements in favor of watching the show instead. Also allow self to watch Storage Wars, but get over crush on Barry.
4. Bring practical shoes to work to wear for half the day
5. Figure out the model number of my vacuum so that I can buy filter and vacuum once a week.
6. Find employed men to date
7. Get to work by 9:30 three days a week, so long as I have time to put makeup on first.

Res. draft 4
1. Stop eating cookies at a rate of 2/hr
2. Spend at least 30 min 3x a week with running shoes on (bonus points if I'm working out during this time).
3. Maintain current #hrs spent watching Hoarders (screw social engagements), but refrain from sending Barry invitations to my birthday party c/o A&E
4. Keep a pair of practical shoes at work, to wear while sitting at desk as long as feet remain hidden
5. Research prices on new vacuums, mine is outdated anyway
6. Find men without any obvious physical or mental defects to date
7. Get to work by 9:30 on occasions when I don't have to pack a lunch

2012 Resolutions
1. Hide cookie addiction from coworkers.
2. Watch a marathon on TV.
3. Move to Las Vegas and outbid Barry on a locker full of mementos and vintage instruments, causing him to fall madly in love with me. Hoard these items and accumulate further useless junk so that we can be featured together on an episode of Hoarders.
4. Preserve practical shoes in closet for use when I'm classified as geriatric.
5. Hire maid/teach cat to clean apt.
6. Avoid men.
7. Show up to work.

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