Friday, May 18, 2012

Want ad

Wanted: romantic companion

Athletic woman in mid-twenties seeks immature and annoying male partner to plan exciting outings that will never actually be carried out.  Passive-aggressive tendencies required.  Emotional baggage from childhood and/or previous relationships preferred.  Requirements also include either an acute fear of commitment triggered by pleasurable companionship OR crippling levels of co-dependence.  Jealousy a must.  Attractiveness is not an issue so long as you are overly conceited and full of yourself while somehow also harboring a burning self-hatred as well as intermittent episodes of depression.  Ideal first date would be lunch on a weekday at a chain restaurant inconveniently far from my work on your day off; I'll know you by your tardy arrival wearing an old t-shirt.  Bonus points if you recommend the salad to me and then order a steak, or if you wink at our waitress and call her "hun."

Please contact through the most impersonal form of communication available without using correct spelling or full sentences.

Although I'm normally a proponent of dating websites, right now I'm just wholly frustrated with trying to find anyone who is my match. And at least with this ad, the guys responding won't be a surprise.

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