Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Won't you be my neighbor?

The apartment below me recently became occupied by a pair of 18 year olds.

You can imagine how thrilled I am.

Daily routine

10:00am                     Loud morning sex

11am-5pm                  Sleep

5:15                           Have friends over

5:20                           Break out the booze

5:25                           Swap jokes and laugh hysterically

5:35                           Argue over various issues and insult each other in loud                          voices

5:40                           Hit things with other things and laugh hysterically

6:00                           Time to break out the extremely cheap pot!!

6-8pm                        Smoke

8-11pm                      Go out

11:00                         Arrive back at apartment

11:05                         Practice yelling

11:15                         Knock over furniture

11:25                         Time for extremely loud sex!

11:30                         Practice porn star moaning punctuated with awkward                          pauses

11:35                         Scream each others' names unconvincingly

11:37                         Rest

11:40                         Practice yelling

11:45                         Hit things with other things

12:00                         More sex

[At this point I usually fall asleep which I believe is probably important for my sanity. When I ran into my landlord, he explained to me that the new residents downstairs were living away from home for the first time. He admitted they had some troubles but that they were "good kids" and added, "Well you remember the kinds of things you did when you were that age."

I informed him that when I was that age, the situation was a bit different.]

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