Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Notes to self: attending conferences

- Do not try to teach people manners on the subway. You will probably end up getting hurt.

- Be discrete when snacking on chocolates from your purse.

- Try your very best not to scold your adviser in public.

- When you meet people, limit stories wherein the central figure is your cat to five minutes or less.

- Be discrete if you need to nap. Rest your head on your hand so you don't do "the wake up jerk"

- Beware of mixing alcohol and socializing with potential collaborators!

- Try not to roll your eyes, no matter how bad the speaker is

- Don't giggle if a speaker uses a piece of jargon that she herself made up. This may be difficult, especially if the jargon is vaguely dirty, such as "tree hole"
....hehehehehehehe treeholetreeholetreehole

- Control your urge to stare openly at attractive members of the opposite sex. Sexy scientists DO exisit.

- If you are giving a presentation, remember one word: PICTURES. Please. We want something to look at besides your laser pointer randomly darting across the screen.

- Don't laugh when a speaker used the word feces.

- The third day of the conference shall be the worst. You'll be grumpy from getting up early and skimping on food. However, it's key for your career to resist the urge to just give up and arrive at the conference center at 10 am in your pajamas.

- Don't judge people by their haircut or how they dress at a conference. You'll develop an artificially inflated sense of superiority that won't be applicable in the real world.

- Its acceptable to leave a talk early if it will get you ahead in the lunch line.

- Don't laugh when the speaker says the word testes. (You may, however, laugh if they use the word balls.)

- Don't go to every talk. If you do then you will end up in a haze of general life-hatred, including hatred for your colleagues, your subject area, and the chairs in the lecture hall.

Do try to have a little fun..... :)
posted from Bloggeroid

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