Friday, November 23, 2012

Luck and logic

Being alone sucks. (Have I started a post this way before?...) But I'm not just whining. Being alone is annoying and bad for your bank account and your general and mental health. However if you haven't met that special someone, the only alternative is being with someone who isn't right for you. This is also generally bad for your finances and general and mental health.

So what the heck world? So what the heck other people who are all my age and married? Am I missing some vital secret or did I not get the memo that we're supposed to be faking it? Or do I really just have incredibly bad luck??

I'm actually guessing that it's the last one. I've always had bad luck. I knew it even back when I was little. In third grade the students did a project where we decorated giant pieces of paper with what we imagined to be Native American-like designs (but as we know, third graders aren't exactly masters of the Components of Design). My rug was made with my best friend, and included cat faces, hearts, and other traditional Native American elements. When it was done, I wanted to share the rug weekly, but my friend wanted to draw straws. I objected, because I knew I would lose. I think that finally I ended up crying, but my friend wouldn't back down, and so the teacher picked names out of a hat... and I won. I felt like such a jerk, with tears streaming down my face from being upset that I would lose. After all this, I'm pretty sure that having my name drawn for custody of the rug was the most unlucky thing that could have happened.

Who are all these people who long for the days of youth anyway??

I'm still not really sure what the best option is in regard to being alone or being with someone who's eh. I'm pretty sure both of them have more cons than pros. I've always rationalized not dating someone who's only mediocre with the logic that I don't have the time or energy for added stress. But honestly taking care of everything myself and the lack of any physical contact aside from that of Rosie rubbing her wet nose into my nostril to wake me up at 5am also results in a certain amount of stress.

I don't have an answer, but I think that it's valuable to see both sides. I do enjoy blowing off steam by writing these entries but they also help me pick apart a swarm of contrasting feelings in a complex situation. I talk about it to work through it, because I know that I can learn from all of these experiences. As my best short friend always reassures me, "Think of how much we've learned from all this. We're going to be GENIUSES!"

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