Monday, August 22, 2011

Link found between cats and lasers

Although I am very busy today, I had a very important revelation while getting ready this morning which I felt should be shared with the masses ASAP, as I believe it could greatly benefit the general public and improve the lives of people everywhere, in answering one of the most time-honored questions facing the human race.

I have uncovered the link between cats and aliens.

We all know that cats were worshiped in ancient Egypt. We also know that ridiculously giant tombs were built in ancient Egypt, in defiance of all logic. Anyone who has been to a desert will know that moving thousands of giant stones in such a setting is probably the least appealing activity possible. And let's be honest- if a pharaoh had a kajillion slaves working for him, he wouldn't want them to build any freakin pyramids. He'd direct them to build a pool, and then demand that someone invent a blender so that he could have a frozen daiquiri.

This is pretty conclusive proof that the pyramids were built by the Egyptians. The alternate theory, of course, is that they were built by aliens, but no one has yet come up with any motivation for the aliens yet. This is, of course, where my theory comes in. You know how cats go CRAZY over laser pointers? I was pondering this today, alternative making my normally calm cat go totally ballistic over a tiny red dot and applying makeup, and I thought, why is it that cats feel such AGGRESSION towards lasers?? They don't seem to resemble any natural prey of cats. Why would they have this hard-wired response to a modern technology?

And then it hit me: cats must have been exposed to lasers before. In the distant past, when cats had been hanging out in ancient Egypt, aliens must have shown up and some sort of war ensued, resulting in modern-day cats' response to track and kill lasers at all costs. Cats must have put up quite a fight, resulting in Egyptian praise, and the pyramids, which actually are tombs, but of the ALIENS, not stupid pharaohs. cats must have become more domesticated and docile as the years since the alien invasion passed, but they've still held on to this vital instinct, ready to defend the earth should the need arise, at a moment's notice.

...unless they're taking a nap.

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